I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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