I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
