4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
