You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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