Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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