I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
