Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
even my farts smell like vagina
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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