his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
