how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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