miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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