Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
