I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
