dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
