I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
