I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
