I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
