Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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