Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
