I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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