i permit you to call me
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
