My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
