Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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