I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
