that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
