ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
