there's paper in my vomit.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize