if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
