Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
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Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
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He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize