My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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