There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Shame - the story of my life.
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