I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
