went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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