Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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