you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
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Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
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I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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