so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
