my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
