I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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