just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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