Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
