Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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