Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
