i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
