guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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