did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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