Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
