He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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