I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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