I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
