i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
