Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
