I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
