I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
