READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
