I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
