dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
