My room smells like vodka and shame
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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