remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
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dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
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I think I just cured my dogs munchies
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize