The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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