i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
