Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
