Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
