Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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