I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
