Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
