did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
