So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
