by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
