Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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