I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
