Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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