I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
