Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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