Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
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she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
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FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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