Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the day after is always just damage control
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
