That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
