I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I can text with my tongue
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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