don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
